It's 2019— pre-covid (that says it all right there doesn't it). I had just competed for Miss California USA and spoiler alert—I didn't win. When I tell you this crushed my soul into pieces, I'm not exaggerating. I felt like a crumbled up piece of scratch paper and was ready to throw myself out with the trash. 

I went through all the stages of grief and lost all confidence in myself. I bet my entire self-worth on the crown I never received. But I still wasn't ready to give up on a 6-year dream.

For all my flaws (and horrific need for external validation at the time) I have never been shy about admitting my mistakes. I knew I lost because I didn't have the confidence of someone who had already won —yet.